Happy Birthday
by BlackCat46
Summary: Hayffie one-shot for my friend, Random Nerdy Killjoy's birthday. It's Effie's birthday and Katniss and Peeta have a surprise for her, so Haymitch takes Effie to a theme park. Following a few disasters along the way, they finally face up to their feelings. Is it a mutual hate or is there something more? Rated T, purely because I say so. (AU, some OOC. Hayffie, slight Everlark)


(I OWN ONLY PLOT)

A/N: This is for my best friend Random Nerdy Killjoy's birthday. Happy birthday, my fellow awkward Hayffie shipper.

It was that day again. Effie pounded her fist on her alarm clock, then opened one eye, seeing the sunlight pouring in. She had moved into the Victor's Village in District Twelve after the rebellion to be near Katniss, Peeta and Haymitch. Not one of them was coping well and they were hoping she'd be there for them. She groaned at the bright light, rolled over and shoved her pillow over her head. "God, I just want to sleep! At least give me that!"

She heard loud knocking at her front door. "Hey, Princess, get up!"

Effie groaned at the voice. "No, Haymitch!"

The door clicked and footsteps thundered up to her room and someone flipped her mattress. "Get your lazy bum up, sweetheart, we have things to do!" Haymitch yelled, excited for no reason that Effie could see.

She grouchily yanked her duvet and pillows back. "And the first one of all is sleep."

Haymitch yanked her duvet away and picked her up, carrying her downstairs. "I don't think so, sweetheart. We are going out today!"

Effie snarled, very out of her usual bright and bubbly character. "Put me back, Haymitch, or you will have a not-happy Effie to deal with!"

"I have a grumpy Effie already and I'm not scared. Forgive me if I'm not quaking in my boots." Haymitch smirked, enjoying her displeasure.

"You do realise that this is my house, it is bad manners to throw someone out of their own bed and that you shouldn't even be here, don't you?"

"I realise it, sweetheart, but I don't care about it. I care about getting you out." He showed her a breakfast of pancakes and syrup. "Peeta made them. I just left them there for you."

"Haymitch, what is all this about?" Effie asked, starting to eat the pancakes.

"This, princess, is because I know it's your birthday. And Catnip and Peeta want your house to themselves."

Effie choked on a pancake. "What? Don't those two know they have their own homes?"

Haymitch laughed, making her some coffee. He pulled out his flask and took a deep swallow. "Those two have plans for your house, Princess. And I have my own little gift for you." He handed her a pink envelope which looked somewhat thicker than a birthday card.

"If I open this, am I going to get splashed with anything?" Effie's voice showed apprehension, which Haymitch found amusing for unknown reasons.

"Not today, sweetheart. Anyway, what are you waiting for? Open it."

Not being one to be rude and not open a gift, Effie edged one sharp nail under the sealed edge of the envelope. She slid it quickly and felt a sharp pain. "Ouch!"

Haymitch whipped around, still drinking. He swallowed, a smirk on his face as he saw Effie's pained expression. "What did you do, sweetheart?"

"Paper cut. Ow... Could you pass me some kitchen roll? I don't react well to... Blood... Oh, dear." She'd spotted the thick red liquid starting to drip down her finger and had paled rapidly. She swallowed as hard as she could, then murmured "I really need that kitchen roll, Haymitch..."

She had started swaying in her seat and it wasn't looking good for her. Haymitch seized the kitchen roll and pulled it off its stand, placing the roll, still on the cardboard tube, over her finger. "How's that?"

"Thank you, Haymitch. At least I can't see the blood now." Effie tried to muster up a smile, but her hands were shaking, which Haymitch was beginning to recognise as shock.

"Effie... Are you okay? Should I go get Mrs Everdeen?" It was apparent even to Effie, who was currently in shock, that he was worried now and had no way to help.

"No, no... It's okay, I can handle it..." The words had barely escaped her lips before the little food and drink she'd got down made a horrible reappearance and barely digested.

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like you're capable." By this time, Haymitch was terrified of drinking himself out in case she ended up fainting and killing herself. He may not have liked her, but he didn't want her dead.

"I'm sure... Oh, goodness, no!" Her blood had dripped out from under the kitchen roll and down her hand. Her crystal blue eyes had landed on it for what must have been half a second before they rolled back in her head and she fainted. It had been true, she really couldn't handle the sight of blood. Haymitch recalled that whenever a tribute was being murdered, she would run from the room until the whir of the hovercraft had left and she wouldn't watch the recap of all the deaths. He picked up his house phone and called Katniss's home.

It was, to his relief, little Primrose who picked up. "Hello?"

Haymitch was frantic now. "Prim, could you and your mother get to Effie's house?"

"Why? What's happened? Have either of you been hurt?" Prim was feeling a bit nervous now. She'd grown fond of Effie and, when he wasn't hallucinating or drunk, Haymitch.

"Effie has. She got a paper cut and... I don't know, she passed out."

Prim relaxed. She knew what Effie was like with blood and exactly what had happened to her. "I'm on my way. My mother's treating a Seam child who has pneumonia."

Prim was exceptionally quick and Haymitch had never been more grateful for the little blonde girl. She cleaned Effie's hand and wrapped a waterproof sticky plaster over the injury, then gently woke her. She coaxed her into having a drink of water and relaxed her, tempting her with some toast, easing her back. Two hours later, they made it out. "Where are we going?" Effie questioned, curious as to what Haymitch was planning.

"I don't want to tell you." He smirked and carried on driving. "Anyway, you should be quiet."

"Rude. I was just asking."

"I know you were, sweetheart, but you'll see."

* * *

"Haymitch, why are you blindfolding me?" Effie squealed, not enjoying the darkness that blotted out the view.

"So you don't see where we're going. Now shut up and leave that blindfold alone!"

Effie sat in her seat, her arms folded with a particularly disgruntled look on her face. He rounded a sharp corner and she shrieked "Haymitch, be careful!"

She righted herself from her fall into the door and huffed. Haymitch laughed at her and said "You're such a girl, sweetheart."

"I'm still more of a man than you are."

"Ouch. Manners, little Effiekins."

Effie growled, a low, dark growl that would have frightened anyone who knew her. It was extremely out of character for the bright, bubbly former escort to growl or insult people. She muttered "You can take your few manners and you can shove them where the sun doesn't shine."

"Sweetheart, among the rest of the world, you think that the sun shines out of every shadow of my existence. Now, close your overly-lipsticked mouth and stay quiet until you can be polite."

Haymitch's mocking tone was getting unbearable for Effie and she blindly brought her fist down on his leg. There was a loud groaning squeak from Haymitch and the car jerked to a stop. She smirked and said "I feel better now."

"I don't! God, woman, what is that fist made of? Diamonds? It's tiny but rock hard!" Haymitch moaned, his voice on a higher pitch than hers.

"Gosh, Haymitch, I was right. I _am_ the manly one in this car!" Effie giggled and added "At least _I_ can take a thump in the leg, whether a man, woman or child delivers it!"

"I can take that! Just not when I'm not expecting it! God, woman!"

"I have a name!" Effie told him, stung.

"Yeah, yeah, darling little Effiekins, the sweet, cuddly muffin with the diamond-hard fist. Does that thing sparkle in the sunlight?"

"Does yours?" Effie's snappy retort was on her tongue before Haymitch had got his words out.

He glared at her. "You, sweetheart, are a monster and I can't believe I can hate you this much. Why I let that boy talk me into bringing you out today..."

"Because you don't hate me. You _luuuurrrrvvveee_ me!" Effie giggled, as if she hadn't just practically disabled Haymitch.

"Right now, sweetheart, I'm finding it incredibly difficult to love you. You're a nightmare!"

"But a nightmare you love!" Her voice had gone all sing-song and he wanted to punch her teeth out. "You love me!"

"I don't-"

" ** _SAY YOU LOVE ME!_** " Effie's voice had become a dangerous, loud growl.

"Fine! I love you! You happy now, sweetheart?" Haymitch's voice was sarcastic and irritated.

"Say it like you mean it!" Effie trilled, her voice still in that annoying sing-song mode.

"I said it once, cupcake, don't expect me to lie to you again."

Haymitch's voice had become dangerous and Effie knew when to shut up. Now was that time. He began driving again and as he reached the street of their destination, she reluctantly muttered "Fine then. You can confess it later. And you'll have to kiss me."

Haymitch slammed on the brakes and yelled "What?"

"You heard. Confess it later and you have to kiss me."

Haymitch growled, then snapped "I love you, Effie Trinket! Now will you shut up and let me drive before I crash this car and kill us both?"

She gulped and whispered "I love you, too, Haymitch. Sorry."

He didn't move the car. "What did you just say?"

"Sorry."

"Before that." He was determined to prove his ears wrong.

"I paint doves blue!" Effie blurted in a panic, then covered her mouth with her hands.

"You Capitolites are weird and cruel to animals." Haymitch's voice was disbelieving as he drove on.

"Hey, I'm not cruel to you!"

Haymitch gave a sarcastic laugh and said "The bruise on my leg and my wounded ego beg to differ, sweetheart."

"What happened to cupcake?" Effie pouted at the sarcastic use of the word sweetheart.

"What does it matter?" Haymitch's retort stung Effie again.

"It makes me feel like I'm special."

Whatever he was expecting from Effie, it certainly wasn't that. After a split second of silence that felt like an eternity, he gave another sarcastic chuckle and said "You are special."

Effie heard the meaning behind his words. He was telling her she was mentally damaged. She was grateful to her blindfold right then, it hid her eyes, which were swimming in tears. She breathed deeply until her eyes had dried, then steadily asked "Where exactly are we going?"

"No questions, no lies, sweetheart."

There it was, tearing into her again, that patronising endearment that hurt her so much. "Okay."

* * *

"Alright, sweetheart, blindfold off!" Haymitch's voice brought her back to reality, where she was blind and in the company of someone who hated her.

She took the blindfold off. It was a theme park, with rollercoasters that took the riders thirty feet up and looped, gigantic wheel rides that were over one hundred feet tall, jumping rides that went twenty five feet in the air and dropped. Not one of those rides looked like her idea of fun. In the park, she muttered "Haymitch, can we find rides close to the ground?"

"None of those, sweetheart. This is an extreme park." He pulled her to the highest rollercoaster there was and faced the attendant to say "Three times. We're big fans of the extreme."

"Speak for yourself!" Effie muttered, but the damage was done. She saw four huge loops that would make her want to be sick. She hated rollercoasters.

Haymitch pulled her into a cart and the attendant buckled them in. "Enjoy."

"We will!" Haymitch exclaimed, excited, then muttered in Effie's ear "Feel free to cuddle up and hide your face if you get scared, sweetheart."

She prickled and let her hair down. "Think you're funny, Abernathy?"

"Did you think I was kidding, Trinket?" He mocked her tone, which made her glare and turn to face forward.

"Prepare to scream." Her voice was like steel, though her heart was pounding.

"Your heart's beating so hard, I can hear it."

She elbowed him in the ribs and the rollercoaster took off at an alarmingly fast rate. Effie let out a shriek, then squeaked "Haymitch, I think I need to take you up on your offer!"

The first loop came up and that was when the trouble started. Halfway up, Effie's seatbelt gave way and she grabbed the safety bar, hanging on and screaming. Haymitch gasped and grabbed her wrists, pulling her back in and holding her tightly to him as the cart turned back to the right side up. "It's okay, cupcake. I have you here. He unbuckled his seatbelt and tightly fastened it around them both. He kept his arms around her and waited until the ride was over. He took Effie with him to complain about the broken belt and how she'd nearly died. After that, while she shook, he said "Okay, that rollercoaster's out. We'll go get you a drink and something to eat."

"Not just yet, Haymitch, I might be sick."

Twenty minutes later, Haymitch had coaxed Effie to eat and drink, which had resulted in yet another Effie-punch. He'd glared at her and hissed "This is abuse, cupcake. I have half a mind to turn you in to the Peacekeepers."

"No, you have half a mind, end of."

Her retorts were getting harder and meaner by the minute. "That hurts, sweetheart. I could get offended. Maybe you've spent too much time around me."

"You're right. I have. I should be in bed, asleep right now. See you!"

Haymitch chased the blonde through the crowd, catching her by the wrist. "No you don't, Trinket. We're going on another ride."

He dragged her to the gigantic wheel. "Hi. We're together."

"In you go."

Haymitch dragged Effie into the carriage, then closed the door before she could protest. The wheel was a fast mover and there was a lot of screaming from Effie. The ride stopped, very abruptly, as soon as Haymitch and Effie reached the top of the ride. "What's going on?" Effie's scream sounded throughout the park.

"They're just letting people on. Relax!"

Seconds after Haymitch's attempt at comfort, a loudspeaker said "Due to a technical fault, the Ferris wheel has stopped. We are currently working on a solution and ask you not to panic. Thank you for your patience."

Effie's shriek pierced the air again. "Haymitch! This is bad! We're gonna die up here!"

"Shut up, Trinket! We're not going to die! Stop being such a girl!"

"I may be a girl, but I'm still more of a man than you are!" Effie told him, panicky and unhappy.

"Your girly squeals and 'Oh, dear me, noooo, we are going to _die_!' begs to differ. I, however, am perfectly calm in the knowledge that we will be back on the ground as soon as possible."

Haymitch's superior tone did nothing for Effie's nerves. She just squealed "You said this ride was stopping to let people on, too! So if I'm going to take your words on board, I should believe the opposite! We're dead. We're dead. We're dead, we're dead, _we're so dead_!"

"We're not dead, sweetheart. We're just stuck."

"WE'RE DEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDD!"

Haymitch got up and shook her, then looked her in the eyes, the Seam grey meeting the deep blue. "Say we're dead one more time and I will bend those bars and push you through them. Now, sit down, shut up."

"You won't push me through the bars."

"Why wouldn't I? You haven't given me a reason in years of acquaintance to not push you."

Her eyes softened as she said "I never gave you a reason for you to save me from the Capitol, either, but you still did that."

"That was d-" Haymitch started, but she shook her head. "What?"

"Don't tell me it was different, it wasn't. You had a choice. You could have left me to die in that cell and you didn't. If you wanted me dead, you would never have rescued me. You can be as rude to me as you like, but I know you care about me. And I care about you. That will never change. I can keep quiet about it, but I will always know."

Haymitch stared at her, then said "Look, cupcake, I don't like you. I don't care for you. It was just that you were the one who kept me away from alcohol. You were Katniss and Peeta's escort. You were a necessary factor. That's all."

"Then why are you here? Why did you wake me? Make my breakfast? Bring me out?"

"Katniss and Peeta, that's why. Those two wanted your house to themselves. I had to get you out. Believe me, cupcake, I don't want to be here."

"Then you should have told them that. No need to bring me out." Her eyes had dropped to the floor of their cart and she'd sat down, her hands clasped.

"What? It's not like you were expecting anything from it. I mean, it's not like you expected me to... I don't know, kiss you or something." A moment of silence, in which, Effie bit her lip and hid under her hair. "You did expect that."

"Expect isn't the word... More hope than expect." It was surprising to both of them that she was telling him this. She hadn't planned to.

"You actually want that? Bearing in mind that I'm forty four now and you're giving thirty five a hard shove?"

"Age is but a number when two souls connect." She was quiet, which Haymitch marvelled at, since Effie was very rarely quiet like that.

"While that's a beautiful sentiment, cupcake, our souls haven't _connected_. For a start, I don't have a soul. And you... I don't know, but listen here, I am not interested in you and nor will I ever be."

Effie sighed, feeling shattered by this harsh confession, then she looked up. "I know. You're too good for me, Haymitch, and I appreciate that. But I did like to imagine that there was something other than spite and hatred between us. I like you, even if you don't like me."

Haymitch stared at her. Where was all this coming from? "Trinket, you're being stupid. You don't like me. You're too good for that. Has someone slipped something in your drink?"

"No. I'm being stupid, yes, but I'm not making this up. I do like you, Haymitch, rude and insensitive though you are."

"You're one to talk, sweetheart, I'm practically amputated here!" Haymitch gestured violently to his leg and arm, indicating the bruises.

"Don't be so dramatic, Haymitch, I'm trying to confess my love for you here."

"Okay! Okay! God, touchy, much? Go ahead."

Effie smirked at him and said "No, it's okay, I'm done."

"Seriously? Look here, sweetheart, you need to know... I really hate you."

"You love me." Effie smiled and sweetly stood up to look him in the eyes, though she still had to stretch. "Almost as much as I love you."

She leaned in, but Haymitch was one step ahead. He pushed her back gently. "Whoa, there, Trinket! Not so close! We're not at that stage yet!"

Effie blushed and whispered "Sorry. But I _will_ kiss you at some point."

"Yeah, keep dreaming." To Haymitch's relief and Effie's disappointment, the ride moved downwards again. "At last! I won't have to be stuck in this cart with you much longer!"

"Do you have to keep being mean to me, Haymitch?"

"Yes. I do. That's part of my job. To be nasty to you and keep you at a safe distance."

"You realise that I'm _not_ your ex-girlfriend, right? Snow's dead, he can't have _me_ killed! And, just for the record, I could be a _very_ good girlfriend to you! You need to stop living in the past before your body dies in the present, sad and alone because you never let anyone else care for you!"

Effie climbed out of the cart and stormed off, getting lost in the crowded theme park. Haymitch chased after her and couldn't spot her. He muttered "God... Why couldn't she be wearing her bizarre Capitolian clothes today?" He found his way to the reception area and said "I've lost someone."

"Name?" The attendant asked, his voice bored. He wore the uniform red shirt with a cartoon dog on it.

"Effie Trinket. She's little, skinny, blonde. Has a seriously annoying accent."

"I know of her... Used to be an escort for Twelve. She's a blonde?"

"Yeah, I know. I was expecting her to be bald under those ridiculous wigs."

"Me, too. So are you, like, dating her now?" The man looked interested now and Haymitch visibly winced.

"No. I hate her. I just need to keep hold of her and get her back home in one piece."

"Oh. So if she's still on the market, then I can snag a date with her."

Haymitch bristled. Though he didn't know why, this guy's thought process made Haymitch's old killer instinct shove itself into view. "You most certainly can't _snag a date_ with Effie! She's not your property."

"Ah, okay. So you like her?"

"No, I don't, but I'm not having her date you! Just call her back here!"

The attendant smirked and said "Effie Trinket, your boyfriend is waiting in the gift shop for you. Repeat, Effie Trinket."

The loudspeaker stayed on long enough for the whole park to hear Haymitch say "She's not my girlfriend!"

"You like her, though!" The attendant's voice was amused now and it was prickling Haymitch.

"No, I don't!" Haymitch yelled, then softened his voice. "You can't tell anyone, least of all her, that I love her. That's why she's not going to go out with you. Effie is the best thing that ever happened to this place." As he spoke, Haymitch realised something. He didn't hate everything about Effie at all. He called it hate because the emotion in it was so strong, but now, with the thought of losing her to another man in his mind, he was forced to come to terms with it. He loved the strong-willed, sensitive, kind-hearted and extravagant Effie Trinket.

"Okay, okay. That's nice, man."

Haymitch's eyes fell on the loudspeaker microphone and saw the bright red light. Everyone in the park heard him shout "Is that thing still on? How many people heard that?"

Meanwhile, Effie was running madly toward the reception, not caring that she was sweating under the hot sun or that she ran like a broken marionette. The only thing she cared about was Haymitch. She rushed right into the gift shop and smiled, gasping quietly for air. "Hello. Haymitch, did you call for me?"

"Yeah, I did. We're going home. Oh, and another thing." Haymitch faced her with a serious expression on his face.

"Tell me." Effie smiled sweetly, hoping he'd tell her to her face that he liked her.

" _Never_ you dare run away like that again! You could have been murdered!" Haymitch's fury had become too much for Effie and she nodded.

"I'm sorry, Haymitch. You just don't understand how hard it is to love someone and know that they hate you. Let's just go."

On the way back to District Twelve, neither of them spoke. Effie was still upset because of how she felt about Haymitch and Haymitch was dealing with his new-found love for Effie. He decided that there was only one thing for it.

* * *

"SURPRISE!" The cheer came from all directions as Effie walked in, faking the happiness they expected of her. She blushed, not out of surprise, pleasure or embarrassment, but purely how she'd learned to in escort training. She wanted to hide, but nobody picked up her misery. "Happy birthday, Effie!"

"Oh, thank you, everyone! Haymitch, is this why you took me out today?"

"It sure is, sweetheart. Happy birthday." He kissed her cheek, which made her misery ease up and her smile become more real.

"Thank you so much! You're all darlings, each and every one of you!"

The party began properly, dancing, some crazy jokes, food and drink and balloons everywhere. All Haymitch could think of was Effie as he watched her dance and laugh with everyone else. He wanted to be the one making her laugh, the one she was dancing with. Suddenly, the music cut off and the lights went dim. There was applause as two glowing candles appeared and cheers erupted. "Whoo! Cake time!" The voice belonged to none other than Johanna Mason, Haymitch noted as the applause rang out again.

Haymitch, in the dim light, saw a masterpiece of a cake, clearly baked and decorated by Peeta. He had to admit that he was proud of him. Married to Katniss, at long last. He still had the mutt moments, but they were becoming less frequent. Haymitch believed that Peeta had suffered more than both Katniss and Haymitch put together, but Peeta was strong enough to fight it off. And Haymitch watched, feeling like an intruder as Katniss said "Make a wish!" and Effie blew the candles out, to more cheers and applause. Haymitch heard the guests singing, but couldn't make out the words.

After that, the cake was cut and handed out, much to everyone's happiness. Haymitch decided that it couldn't wait any longer and he had to do something about his new obsession with Effie. He cut the music and walked right up to Effie. He stared at her for a moment, before saying "Look, princess, I know I haven't been the nicest guy in the world to you and you deserve far better. But do you know what? I don't care. In the past sixteen hours, something big changed. I don't know what, but now, I feel-"

"Your heart has grown three sizes larger!" Johanna quipped, cutting Haymitch off.

"Shut it, Mason!" Haymitch snapped, before looking back at Effie. "Look, princess, I didn't think I'd ever say this, but in the past sixteen hours, something has changed. And I realise now... I don't hate you. In fact... Effie Trinket, I love you and I'd give anything to spend the rest of my life with you. And I can't believe that I'm doing this, but I'm going down on my knees for you. Effie, you beautiful, kind woman, will you do me an eternal honour and become Mrs Abernathy?"

Loud cheering erupted and Haymitch took hold of Effie's hand. Effie covered her mouth, shocked, happy tears welling in her eyes. She nodded and sobbed "Yes! Of course I will, yes!"

All in all, it'd been a great day for them all.

* * *

 **And a very happy birthday to my wonderful best friend! For anyone who likes Hayffie and has read this, go check out her profile! She's awesome! :D And for now, bye! x**


End file.
